Laying out my YES and my NO

It's time! I've reviewed last year to see what worked and what didn't. I've listed some things that set my heart on fire. Now I'm using all of those things to help me plan for an intentional year. It's time to start committing and setting boundaries. What am I going to say YES to this year? What am I going to say NO to? Because every time I say yes to one thing, it will mean saying no to something else, and vice versa. So I want my NO to be where it should be, so my YES can be where it needs to be. And can I be really honest with you? The list of things I'm saying no to scares me. It's going to be way harder to keep my NOs than to keep my YESes. That's why I'm putting them on here. So you, not the collective far away you, but the individual you who is reading this and knows me and sees me and talks to me, the you who are my family and friends, can keep me accountable by just asking about them. And after talking to Andy, I know I nailed them. They're what they should be.

This year, I'm saying NO to:

1. irrational fears that keep me from doing normal things. There is a lot I could say about this one, but I'm not sure where to start. I just know that fear, whether normal or abnormal, keeps me from doing a lot of things I could do or our family could do.

2. social media on the weekends and during naptime. When I say social media, I'm talking about Instagram, because I'm not on Facebook and Twitter was toddler deleted from my phone 6 months ago and I never put it back on. I need to get my face away from my phone watching others live life, and go live my own. You know what I mean? Go do something fun with my own kids rather than watch other people doing fun stuff with their kids. I've gotten into the habit of checking it too often just to see if there's a new photo up. It can wait. I need to be present with my family on the weekends. It's the only large chunk of time I get to be with all of them together. And if I do it during nap time, I'll be there ALL of naptime, and that's not what I need.

3. growing anything but basil, thyme, and mint. Can I just be real? I love the IDEA of growing my own organic vegetables and herbs. Garden to table sounds wonderful. It's the actual growing the vegetables and herbs that I just down right hate to do. I. don't. like. to. garden. I like buying really yummy food at the grocery store where the vegetable actually survived and it's somewhat clean and that didn't come about by the sweat of my own brow. Because I hate bugs and worms and everything else in that dirt. But I'm sticking to basil and thyme because nearly everything I make in every season but winter has basil in it. And most of everything has thyme too, so it saves us money.

4. browse shopping on Amazon. Sometimes I'm sitting around (naptime) and I think I wonder what we need. I pull out my phone and start browsing around on Amazon. And what inevitably happens is that I find a million things I now think we need. See what happened? A minute ago I was content. Now I'm not. Now I think I need more. If I'm wondering what I could possibly need, I don't need it.

5. feeling like I need to spread my time out evenly between everyone I know. It cannot be done. There are too many people and not enough time. In fact, there is such little time to invest and be invested in as a mama of three. So when I get the chance to get away for a couple hours to be with another adult, I'm saying NO to the guilt that has me feeling bad for wanting to spend it with someone I saw a month ago rather than someone I haven't seen in several months. And when I look at Jesus' life, he prioritized people. He did things for everyone, revealed himself to a smaller group of people, traveled with an even smaller group of people than that, called twelve disciples, and then invested more into three specific disciples. I'm not Jesus. But if I think spreading myself thinly over a large group of people is going to foster any kind of meaningful relationship, I'm kidding myself.

Ok, those felt negative. They are, and that's why they are my NOs. Now for the fun! I tried to include several of the things that fire me up.

This year I'm saying YES to:

1. messy kid fun. I'm coming clean. I am one of those moms. Here's how the conversation goes:
Sophia: Mama, can we [insert something super fun and messy]?
Me: Uuhhhh....let's not.
Sophia: Why?
Me: Because it'll make a mess.
And I'm right. It will most definitely make a mess. But I'm done saying no to all that dirty fun. I need to let my kids be kids and I need to join them in it and get a little messy myself. It will make a mess. We'll just have to clean it up.

2. family trips and cousin time. My mom is one of nine kids. Eight of them had kids of their own. So you can imagine how many cousins I have. Strangely enough, our kids don't have any cousins and may never have any. But some of my cousins have been cousins to them, some of my cousin's kids have become cousins to them, and some of my step-brother's and step-sister's kids have become cousins to them. And I cherish their time with their cousins! But they're all in Austin, along with my parents, my brother, and most of my aunts. Making a trip down with three kids is HARD. It helps that my mom comes up for a visit about every three weeks. And that is a great time and it's easy because I don't have to pack, we don't get out of routine, my mom will babysit so Andy and I can go out on a date, etc. etc. etc. And it is easier. But they are only bonding with her. They miss out on everybody else. So this year, even though it's harder, I'm planning more trips to Austin, because I want those relationships fostered and strengthened. And I want my relationships with them strengthened as well. So I've also planned two family trips that will be filled with aunt/uncle/cousin time. But go ahead and pray for me as I drive these three kids to Iowa and back in October!

3. evening and weekend meetings with friends. Andy is always trying to kick me out of the house. He knows I need a break. But a lot of times it feels like so much work to get out. But this is important. When I get run down and cranky, everyone needs me to take a break. And guess what? The house doesn't fall apart when I leave. In fact, sometimes it's better off when I get back. And I'm better off too. So this year I'm taking a break before I get to needing one. A weekly break, to meet with someone, to have a conversation, to do zumba, to sit in a quiet place, to pray with a friend, to tend to my soul a bit more.

4. exercise. Don't worry, I've never committed to it before. But there have only been 5 months since January of 2010 that I have not be pregnant or breastfeeding. And though I'll be breastfeeding for all of 2015, this is the end for me. There was always very little incentive to work out or get my body back when I knew I was only going to get pregnant and blow it up again. :) Now that we've had our last biological baby, I'm ready to feel good physically. I don't know what this will look like exactly, because it's hard enough to get me to work out as is, but throw our schedule at it, and it's going to be really tricky. I'm going to have to do things outside of my box. That might mean a family walk one night, taebo during nap time another day, and a good jog alone in the morning before Andy goes to work on another day. We'll have to see how things pan out. I've been looking into different gyms, but so far haven't found one to offer what I think I would need it to for it to be worth a hefty monthly fee. If anyone has a gym they love or a class they love going to, let me know. I want to do this with people if I can!

5. being outside. I don't know why this is hard for me, but it is. It always seems to be too cold, too wet, or I don't want to deal with putting on sunscreen or bug spray. And our back yard seems to be a headquarter for mosquitoes in the warm weather months. But when we do spend time outside (which my girls will do all day every day if I let them) I feel so good afterward. The fresh air, the sun on my skin, running, playing, kicking the soccer ball. It's so fun and it's so good for me, body and soul. So this year, I'm just going to do the sunscreen, do the bug spray, and give an early bath when we're done. It's worth it.

6. writing. I love to write. I have always loved to write. And when I stop writing, things get pent up and I get a bit angsty. So this year, I'm saying yes to writing more frequently, whether it's in my journal, on this blog, in the journals I have for each of the girls, etc. Writing is my way to process and get things out. It makes me think things through. To sit on them and let them marinate. And it's a good way to document our life, my journey, what the Lord is doing here.

7. preparing the week on Sunday night. When Andy and I were dating or in our earlier years of marriage, we had this Sunday night pillow talk. We'd tell each other what we had coming up in the next week. We'd share what we were excited about or dreading, etc. It was a great way to prepare for the week. Since having kids, when our heads hit the pillow on Sunday night, it's because we've fallen unconscious. But preparing for the week is my new Sunday night routine. When the kids go to bed, I'm busting out the planner, checking the weather, making a to-do list, planning a fun activity, collecting the supplies we'll need, etc. The goal is to have a week that is thought through, prepared, supplied, and waiting for us to enjoy!

The anthem for my heart this year is:

I am always striving for perfect, and sometimes I get so caught up in it all being perfect that some things never get started. The art project doesn't have to be researched for two hours on Pinterest before we pull out the paint. School curriculum doesn't need to be printed, laminated, cut out for the entire week for us to do today. Because when I try to make everything perfect, only some of it gets done. Because when my heart is set on perfect, I get real nasty real fast if someone messes with my plan. For me, for this year, done is better than perfect. I need to loosen the death hold I've got on controlling every detail of every thing we do so it can fit the picture in my head of perfect. This year, I just want to get things done. I don't want to even try to nail perfect. My kids will thank me for it. My husband will be happy for it. Because if I can let go of perfect, I can enjoy what we have. Who we are. I can get a little messy and still keep a smile on my face.

{These are the 2015 Goal Setting steps by Lara Casey. You can follow her blog here or check out her book Make It Happen to the right}