I feel like I imagine a chrysalis would. Soon, very soon, every major part of my life will change. It's coming, but it's not here.
1. I've quit my job. All of a sudden I'm home all day, trying to prepare for all the other changes, but there's nothing to prepare yet. What will staying at home look like?
2. We're moving in two weeks. Where? We don't know yet. Again, so much to be done, but we can't do anything until we know where we're moving.
3. Sophia will be here soon. I'm in my fifth month of pregnancy, and we have begun preparing as much as possible, but there's still a lot we can't do yet.
Job, house, family. All about to change. Almost. Not yet. Soon.
So naturally, my mind has been consumed, running through different scenarios, planning all the different possibilities while we wait to know more of what is to come. My thoughts have been out of control. My heart is anxious. I haven't been grounded.
Until yesterday.
Yesterday God reminded me of what is really important. Yesterday these things were shown to be small in the grand scheme of things. Yesterday we nearly died. I wasn't prepared.
Certainly, I wasn't prepared to see a stalled truck directly in front of me going 65 mph down 121. But what I mean is, I wasn't prepared to die. My last thoughts were those of frustration over details completely out of my control. My last conversation with Andy was a petty argument over nothing. My last action was a loud sigh to let him know I wasn't too happy with him. How quickly all that would have changed had I known what was coming next. That, and I would have gotten one lane over. (And enjoyed better food. How's Sonic for a last meal?)
We were surrounded by cars on every side, so there can be one explanation for how I could have skidded across three lanes of highway twice before spinning the car completely, finally coming to a stop facing oncoming cars without hitting a single thing. The Lord performed a miracle, preserving our lives. What a blessed wake up call.
Yes, I've quit my job and am looking now for part-time work. Yes, we're moving very soon and we don't know where. Yes, we're having a baby and all the changes that come along with it.
But...
we're alive
I got to kiss my husband again, say our prayers, and fall asleep next to each other
I got to feel Sophia kick
we had time to repent
we know to be ready
"But God said to him, 'Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be? So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.'" -Luke 12:20
(I would suggest continuing this passage through verse 40)
