Today is my birthday. In years past, Andy and I have made a big deal of birthdays, devoting a whole weekend to doing whatever we want. Two or three days solid of celebration! This year, however, we have children. Well, a child. And that changes everything in a really fantastic way. (Non-parents: it is no longer an option to do whatever you want for two or three days...or even two or three hours.)
I was driving to swim lessons today (our first day- so fun!) thinking about my birthday, realizing this is the best birthday I've ever had. I began to wonder why. This is not what I thought of at that moment, but this is what I've come to realize since that moment four hours ago: In a beautiful way, I have forgotten about myself. The apostle Paul called this humility. Before, I couldn't wait for my birthday to arrive. Why? It was all about me! I would make up a list of things I wanted, think through what I would like to do, what I would like to eat, where I would like to go, trying to cram as much me me me time into a weekend as I could. One weekend where I was allowed to let the whole world revolve around ME! And I loved it. And yet, at the end of the weekend, I would be met with a tiny sense of disappointment that my weekend was over. Because the reality is that I always want the world to revolve around my needs, my wants, my desires. It's sin in me that wants ME to be the center of the universe. Reality is not only that I am not the center of the universe, but that I exist to make much of the one who is the center of the universe.
So that's how it was before. Here's how it was today: I woke up and the first thing I thought was, "I need to take the BOB out of the trunk so I can change Sophia into her swimsuit back there." Up I went and out to the garage. When I walked back in, Andy was smiling and saying, "Happy Birthday!" What? Oh yeah, it is my birthday! A gift. That phrase felt like a gift. I hadn't spent weeks thinking through every detail of the day, waiting with anticipation of how my every desire would be catered to. I hadn't thought much about it at all. In fact, I had forgotten that it was my birthday. This is why they say being a parent can put you on the sanctification fast track. (That's a joke- it's still slow, but a faster slow.) For the last 9 1/2 months I have been raising a baby. It's a job different than any other job I've ever had. One of the privileges of the job is putting my daughter's needs before mine. In everything. I lay down my wants for her wants, my needs for her needs. My life for hers. Daily I practice dying to myself. I have done it so often each day that it's becoming habitual.
I know what you're thinking- "dying to myself" doesn't sound like much fun. But can I encourage you with this? Driving to swim lessons today I acknowledged that this is the best birthday I've ever had. Because my mind wasn't full to the brim with thoughts about me, I was able to see my birthday with clarity. I have been alive for twenty-eight years. Twenty-eight years to breathe and live a life free of disease or physical burden. Twenty-eight years of patience as I learn to live a life of love. Twenty-eight years of forgiveness for every weakness, every evil intention, every slip into sin. Twenty-eight years of encouragement met with feeble attempts. Twenty-eight years of provision, protection, and faithfulness from the Lord. And twenty-eight years filled with blessings: a husband, a daughter, time. Today felt like a gift. My birthday is a gift. The twenty-eight years I've had is a gift. I feel more full today than on the most elaborate birthday weekend of my past. Today I'm doing what I love. It's what I did yesterday, and what I hope to do tomorrow. And it's all because of God and His immeasurable goodness to me. Today is about Him, and I am not met with disappointment.
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