Instalife

I'm a bit shocked myself at what I'm about to write, because I didn't see it coming. Or maybe I did. Or maybe I thought I did. Yes, that's it. Because a few weeks ago I started a bible study with the ladies in home group and the first assignment was to fast from something. I truly didn't feel the need, but thought I should do it anyway- I am the leader of our bible study group, so if I don't do it, how can I expect anyone else to? I only picked Instagram because I wasn't sure what else to do. In my 2015 goal setting I was limiting media anyway, so this just seemed like I could tack it on. It was just going to be for a week. Or so I thought...

My week came and went, and I was surprised to find how good it felt to let go of my phone. Despite the weather that kept us indoors and going stir crazy. Despite the exceptional amount of preschool-aged drama going on in our house. It was easy and it felt good and I liked it and that surprised me. When the week was over I thought I might keep this going. But first let's just take a peek...play catch up. And what I discovered in the next 30 minutes floored me. And it wasn't the pictures I found- snow pics, as anticipated. I'll let you in on my little secret: I have a vicious heart. And that wasn't the shocker either. What floored me was that Instagram had slowly become food for my vicious heart.

You might be thinking, like my husband, How could Instagram do that? But it's not Instagram that does it. It's me that does it. It goes something like this: I see a picture of a sweet friend's little and read the story of him catching his poop before he drops it in the toilet, and I think She is so patient. I bet she handled that like a champ. I would have exploded at my kids. She's such a better mom than me. Or here's another: I see a beautiful family picture and someone's comment: "I just love your family! You guys are the best!" and because there's a small rift I think Well I disagree. I think...

And here's why that's such a big deal: "Do you not see that whatever goes into a person from outside cannot defile him...what comes out of a person is what defiles him. For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." Mark 7.18, 20-23

Do you see it happening? Every time I browse pictures, I feed that heart that has evil thoughts, murder, coveting, envy, slander, pride, and foolishness in wait. I put down my phone and acknowledged for the first time the seriousness of my sin with Instagram. What I thought was an unnecessary fast, God used to show me a very necessary change. But here's the hard part- getting rid of Instagram doesn't fix it. It's not what goes in from the outside that defiles. My heart is wicked with or without Instagram. Now, looking at Instagram that way fed a heart that was already vicious. But not looking at Instagram doesn't take the viciousness away. It will just find another avenue out. But shouldn't we try everything we can to limit the avenues?

So here's the dilemma...Do I take Instagram away so that I'm not feeding the beast? Or do I change the way I look at Instagram? In speaking of lust, the Scriptures say, "If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell." (Matthew 5:29) An eye is good and can be used for good. It shows God's beautiful creation, allows you to read the Word, communicates meaning, and helps you get around and do things. Here, the eye itself isn't at fault, but it gets cut out nonetheless because it is the avenue by which the person indulges in wickedness.

Instagram can be good and can be used for good, if I will let it. I'm going into more detail about this in my next post. I don't have it all figured out, but I am starting to form a plan. I am going to change the way I use Instagram and I want to share it with you as I go, because maybe you're like me and when you put your phone down there's lingering envy or discontent or disappointment. But if after it all Instagram still causes me to sin, it gets cut. No questions asked.

Either way, I confess and repent of the wickedness that lingers, and pray that God would eradicate it from me, I will repent, pray, and train my heart to love by editing my inner monologue with the gospel of Jesus Christ. This will be much harder than deleting Instagram and thinking Now that that's taken care of. This will take concentrated effort, humility, and persistence. But in the end it will be worth it, not for getting to keep Instagram, but for getting a heart that rejoices with others, gives grace, honors, and loves out of habit.