I've been reflecting today on time and its affect on me. I love being productive and efficient most of the time, but there's a wonderful kind of rest in having my mind on one track. I found myself praying today while blowdrying my hair and unpacking my bag upon returning from our Christmas vacation. I love that I can talk to the Lord at any moment, but when I'm multitasking it into my day because I feel a desperate need to be with Him, but can't seem to find a spot in my schedule, something's gone wrong. I'm not usually the type to be perpetually busy, but I overbooked myself this Christmas, and I've suffered for it.
A few months ago, Matt preached on prayer. It was a mixture of sweet wooing and gut wrenching pain. Following that, he preached about the Sabbath. Those two messages combined altered my outlook, my schedule, my life. (Click here to listen to "The Art of Prayer" and "Sabbath") I am utterly changed. I immediately put into practice what I had learned and found joy unlike I'd ever experienced. Then, with the onset of Matt's cancer, I found myself constantly coming to the Lord in prayer. I would pray on my drive to work, during lunch, on my way home, and a dozen times in between. After a week, I was struck with the realization that this was how it was meant to be. This is how I ought to always have prayed. It's like it finally clicked in my mind. As my Christmas break came, I found myself out of schedule. I forgot the Sabbath, I had little time alone, and thus, didn't pray.
Guilt is the first emotion that would normally have taken over, forcing me to bow my head and speak to myself aloud until I was satisfied that I had done my best. Guilt didn't come- in it's place was longing. I felt a longing today to be in the presence of the Lord that was so strong, I immediately went to Him. Yes, I was blowdrying my hair. No, it wasn't ideal. But I learned a few lessons I want share with you:
1) This is evidence of a change in my heart and I thank God for accomplishing it in me. Prayer was not about checking off a list today, but about enjoying the Lord because he is my greatest pleasure.
2) God works through all things to bring us to a deeper knowledge of and trust in Him. He has used Matt's cancer to teach me how to pray, and to teach me to love prayer.
3) Time has its affect on me. I slept 8 - 9 hours a night for the last week with a weary soul. I need to schedule rest for my soul. Especially during seasons like this when we're out of town, have people visiting, presents to buy, bags to pack and unpack, etc. Your soul, not just your body, needs to rest.
On a side note. As I look to the coming year, there are many things I want to happen. I have been repeating this verse from Romans to myself: "May the God of Hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope." JR Vassar wrote an amazing post about the difference between hope and desire. I pray I wouldn't confuse the two. Read here to see what I mean, that you may not confuse them either.
