The two worlds of social media: the dark side

I'm rethinking my role on social media, and if you missed it, here's why. I have seen two sides of the coin, with one as equally terrifying as the other is beautiful. Let me start with the scary side...

When I use Instagram, a few things happen:

- If there's any sort of issue between me and another person, it is perpetuated and intensified in my heart. A slow hardening happens with each perfect picture I see of them.

- If I'm struggling to get through the day well and then see pics of other mamas rocking it, I tell myself I'm a failure after I compare myself to them.

- By "liking" (or not liking) everyone's comments and pictures, I effectively place myself as judge over whatever they're willing to put out there.

- And once I do that, I assume they are doing the same to all the pictures I post. So I seek affirmation in the likes and find disappointment when something I put isn't liked.

And this doesn't just last as long as I'm looking at pictures. It goes on far beyond when I put my phone down. If I've had a good day and posted a cute pic of the kids doing something awesome, and it gets a bunch of likes, and maybe even a few comments about what a great mom I am...well there's a bit more bounce in my step. I'm a bit quicker to judge someone else. It's a bit easier to go to sleep at night. And why? Because a whole bunch of people affirmed me. I won their approval for today. But let me ask you something. Why can't the day do that? Because I've noticed that if I have a great day, and enjoy the kids doing their awesome thing and keep it to myself, I don't feel as good about it. I've been trained to need the affirmation of others. Which is a terrible thing, especially when we consider what God says in Matthew: "Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you."

So this is what I hear when I read that: "Thus, when you paint with the girls, enjoy it and laugh and be satisfied. When she writes her name like the big girl she is, celebrate and praise her and store it up in your heart. When you discipline with calm love and firm grace, take joy in being like Me. When she nestles into you and wants to snuggle, close your eyes and breathe her in and thank Me, and let that be enough.

When I need the approval of others, I'm saying those things aren't enough. I need the praise of those things...that's what I really want. And that is tragic.

And y'all, that's a good day! That's what happens when I'm rocking it! What about those days that I call Andy at 4:00 with a note of hysteria in my voice as I ask, "Are you almost home?!" The days when nothing went as I had hoped, when I got nothing done that I set out to do, the days where the girls aren't sweet, but literally are making me crazy and I'm a few ticks away from imploding. On those days I open Instagram already feeling like I'm one big walking mistake only to find it confirmed in the glories of all those who have outshined me.

When other people become my standard, I have gone off course: "For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Chirst Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness..." (Romans 3:22-25)

At a family baby shower for Penny Mae, I was given the book You Are Special by Max Lucado. It teaches children to care about what God thinks of them rather than what other people think. It was written in 1997, before the dawn of social media and we adults found ourselves in need of similar advice. As I was reading it to her the other day, I saw so clearly how we are all acting like Wemmicks: "The Wemmicks were small wooden people. All of the wooden people were carved by a woodworker named Eli. His workshop sat on a hill overlooking their village. Each Wemmick was different. Some had big noses, others had large eyes. Some were tall and others were short. Some wore hats, others wore coats. But all were made by the same carver and all lived in the village. And all day, every day, the Wemmicks did the same thing: They gave each other stickers. Each Wemmick had a box of golden star stickers and a box of gray dot stickers. Up and down the streets all over the city, people spent their days sticking stars or dots on one another...Some Wemmicks had stars all over them! Every time they got a star it made them feel so good! It made them want to do something else and get another star."

I'll assume you can see the correlation. And I'm not alone. More and more research is showing that viewing pictures on social media, liking, and reading comments all contribute to isolation and feelings of loneliness and depression. Instagram especially has been shown to perpetuate constant comparison as we see the vast difference between our ideal (portrayed) self and the actual one.

Instead, we should say along with Paul, "So let no one boast in men. For all things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future- all are yours, and you are Christ's, and Christ is God's. This is how one should regard us, as servants of Christ and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. But with me it is a very small thing that I should be judged by you or by any human court. In fact, I do not even judge myself. For I am not aware of anything against myself, but I am not thereby acquitted. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore do not pronounce judgement before the time, before the Lord comes, who will bring to light the things now hidden in darkness and will disclose the purposes of the heart. Then each one will receive his commendation from God." (1 Corinthians 3:21-4:5)

Imagine with me what could happen if we silenced the approval (or disapproval) of man by not putting our stuff out there to be judged. Where would we turn? It's my hope that we could find the time to turn to grace instead. Can you imagine it? If we could lay our heads on the pillow after a great day and thank the Lord for it and know it was a gift of grace. Or at the end of a bad day we could lay all our mistakes before the throne and thank God for paying for them and know there is grace enough to cover them all. And to not have any idea how anyone else's day was to compare ours to. But to just know what is ours to know, to do what is ours to do, to live the life that is ours to live.

{A book I found very helpful in having a correct view of yourself is Tim Keller's The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, which I got for free on Kindle. And this article, though not written from a biblical perspective, was good at explaining the affect of social media on our self perception.}